Half

How did you spend your Sunday night?

Obviously I stayed in, ate ice cream and watched "Teen Mom 2" 

(And may or may not have cried like a baby)

Just watching this show feels like a support group. I can relate to some aspect in every one of these girl's stories. A couple of them are still single, a couple are remarried, and for the most part they all have support from their family and friends. (Who wouldn't be my friend if I was on a hit TV show?!). One experience they all have in common though, is the deep heartbreak of losing time with their child. 

I recognize the importance of the presence of both parents in a child's life, and I'm not here to argue otherwise (because I know this is equally as hard on the other side). I just want to acknowledge the struggle of a mother losing time with her baby.

When I was pregnant with my sweet little boy I never once thought, "Gee.. I'd love to only spend half of his life with him!" I don't think anyone does. As a mother you bond with this tiny being for nine months. He makes you sick, hungry, cranky, ecstatic, fat, sappy, crazy, and more in love than ever thought possible. I  connected with Noah early on in my pregnancy. I never doubted that he was my little boy.. I even told the ultrasound tech we didn't pick a girl's name because he was a boy and his name was Noah. She looked at me like I was crazy...

The first time I saw my little alien on the ultrasound, he was sucking his thumb. It was perfect.





The second time he actually looked like a baby, practicing his karate after I guzzled down a cold smoothie.




He was born and I saw his face and I knew he was mine.






My world changed. Being a mother felt so natural, so beautiful. I loved being able to  watch my tiny human make connections, learn, and grow. I could never imagine my life without him.

And then divorce happened. I don't want to get into the drama of it all, because it's not relevant. Losing time with Noah, especially this year, felt like someone reached into my chest and ripped out my soul. I lost every part of my identity- who I was for four years, who I was meant to be... Granted I now have more time to myself that a full time mother could only dream of... I really would give it all back to be with my baby.

I know I'm not the only single mom out there. I know I have been lucky to have support from family and friends that a lot of other single moms don't have. But it breaks my heart to think that my baby was raised by strangers in a daycare/preschool. That he spends time with people I don't know 50% of the time. It sounds like I'm a control freak (which I am a little..). But if you're not a single mom, imagine handing over your kid to an ex-boyfriend, one you don't love or trust, for half the year. It's heart wrenching. And we do this on a regular basis...

I guess I don't really have the answer, but more of a question.... How do other single moms cope with this? 

Standby

I woke up at 2am to Noah pushing me off the bed.
I asked him to move over because my head was hurting from being squished.
He sits up, looks right at me and says, "well then I guess I'm gonna have to cut it off!"
Then he lays back down.
I feel like I have a mini Dexter on my hands...

Then my phone made a really loud "ding" - it was  an email from someone asking for my email. That annoyed  me.


Anyway... Blogging is great and fun and wonderful, but I actually really want to get this thing off the ground. Coming Soon: Support Group Meet Up Shindig.

I need an idea of who/how many to expect. Send an email to me at cay.singlemotherland@gmail.com - or go ahead and just leave a comment with your email. Let me know if you'd like to be a part of this endeavor and what you really want to get out of this group. I have so many ideas I'm looking to bounce off of you all.

Standby for details in the future.

Never.

Things you should never say to a single mom:

"It must be so fulfilling to have a full time job!"

Yes, so much more fulfilling for me than anyone else..

"Don't worry you'll meet a great divorced single dad someday."

OH GEE!! If only I should be so lucky! (Normal guys are clearly out of my league now.)

"You must love the freedom you get every other weekend."

Yeah.. No. I'd rather spend my time with the child I gave birth to.

"Have you tried online dating?....church?...the gym?!"

Yes, yes, and yes!! I'm ALWAYS on the prowl for a man! Don't worry.

"Getting child-support must be so nice."

Yea. You know what would be better? Not being a single mom.

"My husband has been out of town for a week so I know how you feel!"

Oh. So did you go out and get a job and start supporting your family by yourself?!

"So do you get along with your ex?"


"Can I set you up with.....?"


"It's probably so nice to get government benefits."

Well I don't qualify for crap thank you. But I'm sure the people that do absolutely love relying on the system to stay afloat (sarcasm).

"Daycare is so expensive!!!"

Yes. Yes it is.

"Where's Noah?"

Oh s*%#!!! ?! I must have lost him!!! ......But for real: where do you think he is?!

Down the Rabbit Hole...

I've been contemplating starting this blog for awhile...

   Now I know what you're thinking:

                     "Not aaaaanother blog......."

I swear this one will be different:

     1) I'm far from perfect. if you look in my photo album on my phone you'll see a plethora of awkward selfie attempts. I'm also pretty convinced I have THE worst luck in the history of life.

     2) I don't have any talents. I say that not in a sympathy seeking way. Just that you won't see me refurb or DIY anything. Well maybe you will, but I can assure you it will be Pinterest-Fail worthy. I can proudly say that I'm mostly just mediocre at everything. 

     3) I'm a bit crass. I don't know what to say about this other than I'm so over reading blogs about glitter and sunshine. Life is hard: commiserate with me. 

   Most of all I want this to be a forum for single mothers to connect. We need to support each other. I have felt so alone at times. Single-motherhood is a culture all its own. Some of us split time with our kid's father, others do it all alone. We can hang with the married people. We can hang with our single friends. But at the same time we don't really fit in with either group. We face our own unique set of struggles, and even more exclusive successes.

   Please, join me on my adventures in Single Mother Land (so I'm a little late starting this, it's been a rough 3 years, gimme a break)